What if walking backwards was a way to help the bigger picture in your life?
Lemme backtrack a sec...
I was talking with Michael Marinola today. I hadn't seen him since i was fired from HT, and we all went over to his place for drinks to make me feel better. He was in a rush to get somewhere so we only got to talk for a little bit. He asked me how I was doing, and other questions of the likes. I told him I hadn't found a job, and was having a hard time even getting interviews.
I asked him how HT was, just to see if i could get some gossip. He said he hardly goes now, usually just once a week, and that he doesn't really talk to anyone there anymore.
I mentioned how there was a post for HT on craigslist the other day, and etc. He mentioned that in a chit-chatty conversation with Kevin that Kristie came up and Kevin dropped that Kristie was someone that he'd potentially rehire. So he figured that Kevin would maybe consider taking me back. I told him how when everything went down, Kevin did say that maybe in the fall we could talk again and maybe rehire me possibly.
Ultimately, I asked Michael what he thought- whether I should email Kevin or not. He said the worst that could happen is that he would say no. And he's right...that's the worst that would happen, and that'd be that. It's not like life would change if he said no, i literally would be fine. I just feel like if he said yes i'd A) have to BRING IT (what's it you say? Go watch Bring It On, then come back and finish reading) B) have to swallow tub-fulls of my pride and sheepishly return and C) possibly be miserable have backtracked in my life.
On the plus side, I'd have my life back. I'd have a steady paycheck. I'd be able to see the sky and breathe the air without an aura of stress surrounding me. I'd have money for clothes, shoes, food, coffee, drinks, LIFE. LIIIIIIFE. I'd be able to live again! I feel like I've just halted my existence since I was fired.
I wouldn't want to stay there for long. HONEST. No more than a few months just to get back on my feet. I'd continue to vigorously look for a job, and then get the hell out of there once I could, honestly. HONESTLY . It's not like I'd like anyone there. It's not like I'd want to. I'd show up, do my job, then leave.
Marisa thinks it isn't worth it and that I'd get sucked back into the black hole that is that place. I give her credit and see her point of view. But honestly I don't feel I'd last there long just for the sake of my own peace mind.
I don't knowwww..... I don't know what to do.
I want to go back to school and expand my knowledge and lifestyle. But I feel I can't do it without some sort of income coming in to me. I want to drive soon, and that requires gas and insurance, among other things. Plus I would need money for books and other school supplies and stuff. It would just be hard to stretch what very little money i have now for school.
3 steps forward, 2 steps back. But I feel these 2 steps back would lead to the path where i could run freely and happily.
Would it be worth it?
PS: Happy Birthday Nicole. Wherever you may be. You hate me right now for things I didn't even do. I think it was immature how you acted, and that you wouldn't even hear my side of the story. And I thought we were better friends. This petty drama doesn't even matter though. You probably won't even read this, but I wish you a great birthday and nothing but the best. I think Britney said it best when she said "Time may take us apart, but I will still love you. I promise." Peace.
3 steps forward, 2 steps back.